Have you ever heard the expression “you wouldn’t throw (him/her) out of bed for eating crackers?” This has come up in a few conversations with my friends lately. The idea is that if someone is physically attractive enough you may be willing to put up with a few faults and annoying habits as long as the person remains in your bed.
I am actually writing this entry while lying in my bed — call it insomnia if you like — wondering what it would take for me to throw someone out of it. (For those of you who don’t know the story, suffice it to say that I have been sleeping alone for several months now.)
With the way things have been going, I might actually sleep better than I am right now even if the person sharing the bed with me were talking while eating crackers and getting the crumbs in my ears. At least someone would be there.
Of course I recognize that this is a dangerous line of thinking…the irrationality that comes with desperation does not lead to smart decisions. Anyone who has ever experienced this feeling (and worse, acted on it) knows how gripping it can be. If necessity is the mother of invention, desperation is the transient father of recklessness.
It so happens that as of now there are a few temporary obstacles to filling this empty spot. I suppose if I got desperate enough I could skate around those obstacles and pretend that they are not there. But truth be told I’d like to aim higher than that and allow things to happen when the season is right.
So I must wait through a few more sleepless nights where I feel simultaneously imprisoned and sheltered by my own predicament. Maybe somewhere along the way I will stop hoping so hard for the waiting to end and start having dreams of my own. If I don’t take the time to figure out what I want out of life and out of a partner, I might just wake up one morning with cracker crumbs in my ear.
And that would just be pathetic.