Keeping a deliberate pace

I am likely to miss the main event
If I stop to cry and complain again
So I will keep a deliberate pace
Let the damn breeze dry my face

Fiona Apple “Better Version of Me”

When your life goes through a difficult transition as mine has recently it’s easy to sit by and stew in your own juices. I am famous for this.

But clearly this is not productive. Rather than distract myself from everything troubling, the troubling things in life have had a way of distracting me from the good things in life.

It’s one thing to learn from your mistakes, but people who know me well have told me that I have allowed my past failures to create a self-fulfilling prophecy by [mis]guiding my future decisions.

So, like Fiona Apple, I am planning to pick up the pace in my life. Some people think that I already live at a frenetic pace…but as long as I have time to sit and get stuck inside my own head I will make a concerted effort to find a form of self expression. Whether it’s writing a blog, practicing the piano, immersing myself in work or being social I will be sure to let the damn breeze dry my face.

Life is very short, and there is no time for fussing and fighting, my friends

Think of what you’re saying
You can get it wrong
And still you think that it’s all right
Think of what I’m saying
We can work it out
And get it straight or say good night
We can work it out
We can work it out
Life is very short
And there’s no time for fussing and fighting, my friends
I have always thought that it’s a crime
So I will ask you once again

The Beatles, “We Can Work It Out”

I don’t know if there’s something in the air, but I’ve witnessed an inordinate number of silly squabbles lately. With so many uncertainties in the news and so many economic struggles, people seem to be on edge more than ever. Then again, maybe I’m just paying closer attention.

Some of these fights have played out in the media…everything from Brett Favre’s very public feud with the Green Bay Packers organization to, ironically, Paul McCartney’s extremely bitter and costly divorce trial.

So, I’ll take this opportunity to ask everyone to take the Beatles’ advice. In the cases of Favre and McCartney — sure there is a lot of money at stake, but I don’t think they realize what cost comes with that money. Favre is a beloved legend in Green Bay, but he’s developing a reputation as an indecisive prima donna who puts his own interest before the team’s. McCartney has gone straight from “All You Need Is Love” to being portrayed in the media as an abusive spouse. I may be wrong about this, but whoever wins these fights might end up losing more than he bargained for.

On a more personal level, right now I definitely have experienced some hurt feelings lately and find myself dealing with several unresolved conflicts. Of course I’m not blameless in any of these situations, but it’s tempting to overlook that and simply focus on what’s bothering me.

But in the grand scheme of things not one of these wounds merits risking a friendship or a reputation. I have more trouble with this than just about anyone, so I have to listen very closely at the expense of my pride: it’s more important to be loved than to be right.

The urge to procreate: We are still fighting it

Good morning, son.
I am a bird
Wearing a brown polyester shirt
You want a coke?
Maybe some fries?
The roast beef combo’s only $9.95
It’s okay, you don’t have to pay
I’ve got all the change

Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
And you’re so much like me
I’m sorry

Good morning, son
In twenty years from now
Maybe we’ll both sit down and have a few beers
And I can tell you ’bout today
And how I picked you up and everything changed
It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you’d feel the same things

Everybody knows
It sucks to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
You’ll try and try and one day you’ll fly
Away from me

Good morning, son
I am a bird

It was pain
Sunny days and rain
I knew you’d feel the same things

Everybody knows
It hurts to grow up
And everybody does
It’s so weird to be back here.
Let me tell you what
The years go on and
We’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it
Oh, we’re still fighting it, we’re still fighting it

And you’re so much like me
I’m sorry

Ben Folds, “Still Fighting It”

That song really gets to me. And unlike the incomparable musician Ben Folds, my wife and I don’t even have human children. We have cats and birds who substitute for children. Our parents are not amused.

The nice thing about having kids with fur and feathers as opposed to a real child is that there’s less at stake. With a real child, the highs are much, much higher…but you constantly worry about how the kid will grow up and what lessons you are teaching every day. Even though you don’t want your kids to grow up too fast, having kids will force you to mature at warp speed. (And, as Mr. Folds pointed out, “Everybody knows it sucks to grow up.”)

But with animals, you can live in the moment. They love you unconditionally (OK, I guess food is a condition). They don’t keep secrets. And as long as you keep the cage door closed, they don’t fly away from you. They don’t succeed or fail in life. They just are.

The other thing about raising animals as opposed to human children is that you never have to feel guilty about passing your flaws onto them because they are not your genetic offspring.

It’s impossible to overstate how important that is.

I have a lot of faults. First of all, I’ve learned recently that I can’t play golf worth @$%. I lose track of everything. I still prefer a pizza to a salad. I rebel against traditional rules and boundaries even when it’s not worth the risk.

More seriously, when I key in on something, I have a hard time letting go of it (if you’ve read any of my previous blogs, you’ve probably picked up on that). I often let my emotions get the better of me. I get very attached to people I’ve just met but have trouble being honest with the people who have known me for years. And despite my intense desire to do the right thing, my impulsive behavior even baffles me sometimes.

Fortunately, our pets will never inherit my shortcomings or my strengths. It’s true that I will never get to sit down with them for a few beers, but I also won’t have to watch them grow up warped just because I failed as a parent. And, unlike Ben Folds, I will never have to tell any of my animals, “You’re so much like me…I’m sorry.”